Lindsey Graham (R-SC) speaks at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to be an associate justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, on Capitol Hill September 27, 2018 in Washington, DC.

Lindsey Graham issues ludicrous alert about Brazilian ‘terrorists’ with ‘Gucci bags’ flooding border

Information about Lindsey Graham issues ludicrous alert about Brazilian ‘terrorists’ with ‘Gucci bags’ flooding border

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On Tuesday’s edition of Sean Hannity’s long-running Fox News quiz show What’s Up My Ass Tonight, Mildred?, Graham apprised us of the latest fake scourge scourging our scourge-beleaguered republic: impeccably dressed Brazilian terrorists.

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Transcript!

GRAHAM: “We had 40,000 Brazilians coming through the Yuma sector alone headed for Connecticut wearing designer clothes and Gucci bags. This is not economic migration anymore. People see an open America, they’ve taken advantage of us, and it won’t be long before a terrorist gets in this crowd.”

Okay, sure. I know how fun it must be for Fox News and Republicans to imagine all sorts of shady characters crossing over our southern border carrying couture contraband, but for some reason they never stop to ask why a terrorist would choose this method for entering the country when they could just book a ticket to LaGuardia. Or, if they don’t want to be too obvious, they could fly into Toronto and take a bus. 

But ‘Gucci bag-toting Brazilian terrorists’ sounds harrowing enough to spontaneously transform millions of MAGAs into a writhing, quavering mass of glitchy Keystone Light sprinklers. The faster their voters can fill their Underoos, the better the GOP’s prospects will be in 2022. So we’re going to keep hearing about the border—and all those people who want to live here and contribute to our economy—nonstop, for at least the next year .

Of course, you’d think that a country facing a current—and future!—labor shortage would welcome immigrants (especially ones who can afford Gucci bags!) with open arms. But then it would be impossible for Republicans to scapegoat immigrants for all our country’s problems.

Also, what the fuck is Graham talking about when he says “open America”? The Biden administration hasn’t even revoked Trump’s Title 42 pandemic policy, which allows the government to turn back migrants over concerns about COVID-19. And, yes, migrant encounters have increased at the border, largely because they turned sharply downward during the pandemic. But just because migrants are “encountered” doesn’t mean they’re flooding into our country. Many are being sent back. Even though, you know, we have this current and looming labor shortage. But then again, when was the last time America was ever forward-thinking?

Get ready for more of this, as Republicans do all they can to wrest control of the government from adult hands. They’ll keep running the same play until it stops working. Unfortunately, thinly veiled racism has never gone out of style in America.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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